Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
