Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She bit a glass in half.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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