Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
