Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
