i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I did not marry a roomba.
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