My friends, they love my intelligence
I bet he comes in French.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
