first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
