There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
