I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
