I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
