lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
