I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
