He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
