Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
