I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
