she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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