Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
