today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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