New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
