i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
