it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
