believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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