his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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