I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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