Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
