Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
