I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
