What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize