You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
There r osticjed everywhere
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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