Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
