i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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