it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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