i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
