I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
