what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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