your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Hippo gnu deer
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
