i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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