STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
