So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize
