i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize