We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
