I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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