ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
