Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
