I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
