if you like me you must not know who I am
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
