I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
