God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
