i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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