I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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